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Recent reports from the Underground show that all of the employees have hooked up with each other at one point or another, creating a web of encounters more incestuous than that of Tudor Era England.
“Clarke and Baker have been seeing each other casually for a month or so,” veteran barista Alex Caldwell told reporters as two other workers flirted through eye contact as though they were across the high court from one another. “Which has been strange since Clarke was hooking up with Baker’s roommate, Mase, for like a week at the beginning of freshman year,” he continued as Clarke eyed his ex-situationship, AJ, who was sprawled out on a couch like an oversexed Duke of York. “Then Mase started working here last spring, and well, things have been pretty weird since”.
“I definitely made the rounds when I first got the job,” Caldwell admitted as he pointedly turned away from Darcie, with whom he shared a putrid dance floor makeout at a crew party. “It’s just inevitable, we all spend so much time together, and alliances form and break so frequently that hooking up is sort of how we all stay friends.”
At press time, safewalkers never hooked up, despite having overwhelming sexual tension.
