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The Brown Noser

Hours Of Operation Only Difference Between Mailroom And Nightclub

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019

Witnesses reported that the only difference between the mailroom and a nightclub are the hours of operation.

“Everyone’s trying to get up to the bar up front,” noted junior Emily Ratters. “And they’re just blasting Young Thug through the speaker. If the sun were down this would just be Whiskey Republic.”

It is reported that the mailroom at any given time is chaotically loud and populated by at least fifty college students scattered in an unnavigable crowd.

“I was there at 4:55 the other day and they started playing ‘Closing Time,’” Ratters continued. “The parallels are insane.”

At press time, a freshman was cut off after receiving his third care package this week.

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