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As the deadline for a continuing resolution to fund the federal government passed, House Republicans announced that nonessential federal operations would cease until every American was fully caught up with the hit CBS sitcom “2 Broke Girls.”
“‘2 Broke Girls’ is a really good show,” said Speaker John Boehner. “I cannot believe any government employee wants to spend their time in the EPA or a FEMA office when they haven’t even seen the one where the broke girls’ cab breaks down so they have to ride their horse to the thing. Plus, have you seen Kat Dennings? She’s really pretty. Wow.”
“We’re very thankful that the Republicans in Congress are giving viewers the time they need to really absorb the 2BG ethos,” said series co-creator Whitney Cummings. “We’ve got a fantastic storyline coming up where the girls aren’t friends anymore because they’ve been arguing too much about the government shutdown, but then they’re friends again. Anyway, it turns out the wacky Chinese guy was responsible.”
President Obama lambasted the move as irresponsible and misguided.
“It’s not even that great a show,” said the President in a press conference last night. “The laugh track is awful and half the jokes are just crude racial stereotypes. I wouldn’t even watch it if it weren’t for Kat Dennings.”
Added Obama, “She’s really, really pretty.”
As of press time, the Treasury Department had announced plans to institute unprecedented unilateral measures to shore up consumer confidence, just as soon as the “Dog With A Blog” marathon on the Disney Channel wraps up.
