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Sources say a human-shaped root found growing in the tomb of Roger Williams has been very evasive regarding what happened to the Rhode Island pioneer’s corpse.
“I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about,” said the suspiciously anthropomorphic root. “Roger Williams? Who’s that? Never heard of him.”
“If you’re looking for a corpse, I really don’t know what happened to it,” added the distinctly humanoid root, whose proportions matched up precisely to those of Roger Williams. “Have you checked other places in the cemetery?”
“How am I even supposed to know what a human corpse looks like? I’m a fucking root!” asked the increasingly defensive root, who had two leg-like appendages and a spine. “I was just growing, absorbing nutrients, minding my own business, and then you people showed up and started asking me all these weird questions.”
“In fact, a better question is why do you all care so much about his corpse,” the root continued. “Riddle me that. And you all are looking pretty humanoid yourselves…”
At press time, the ghost of Roger Williams was dodging questions about what happened to the root.
