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Field analysis indicates that the overpopulation in Brown’s a cappella community could easily be mitigated through massive, tournament-style violence.
“It’s really the only way forward,” said SAO manager Bowen Fleming after the demand for silly little hats had risen by over 80 percent. “If we want to preserve balance in the extracurricular ecosystem, we need to have two representatives from each singing troupe engage in a free-for-all death-match with a single super-group forming from the strongest survivors.”
Like any good plan, this one has its detractors. “It just feels a bit… extreme,” said Jack Wartz, a representative of the Student Tour Guide Union. “I mean, if we get rid of all our suspendered freaks, what am I supposed to tell the people on my tours—that Brown University has an average number of a cappella groups per capita? I really don’t want to think of a new fun fact… Can’t they just, you know, do a riff-off or something?”
At press time, the return of Jockapella has been halted due to the unfair advantage they would have in the upcoming Games.
