In a surprising report out of Meehan Auditorium last week, Brown’s hungriest hockey player, Ryan Scherbatsky was really starting to think the puck looked pretty good.

“Yeah I don’t really know what’s up with Ryan, after the game he wouldn’t stop talking about how hungry he was,” commented friend and teammate Trevor Ivanov, as Ryan slid across the floor towards the round, supple puck which enticed him, “But then when everyone was talking about going out for burgers or something, he said he was gonna stick around and ‘chill with the puck’ whatever that means.”

“He’s never really done this before,” continued Ivanov as he watched Ryan meticulously pour barbecue sauce all over the hard plastic puck from across the rink, “Usually Ryan is all about hitting the puck towards the goal. Or like, hitting the puck in the opposite direction of our goal. He’s never even mentioned wanting to eat it, this is super out of character for him.”

At press time, Ryan was being rushed to the Emergency Room for extreme intestinal blockages.

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