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As a TV critic, I get to watch a whole lot of television. Dramas, comedies, game shows: you name it, I watch it—and a lot of it. It’s not often that I get totally addicted to a brand new show, but this season it’s happened: I can’t stop watching the new challenge show “GLORB WARS” on the Travel Channel. It’s my favorite of the year.
The show has a simple premise: Seven contestants known as blarb men gather in a ditch to investigate the latest artifact they’ve found. As soon as they all rub the artifact 15 times, they break the artifact into sevens and disperse in a region roughly the size of the state of Texas to roost. After they roost in the designated whip ball outpost, and toss the eponymous ball higher than an oak tree, each of them begins to shout, “Find me, rooster!” while holding a piece of the artifact above their head. The first two contestants who find one another and successfully capture the other five get to move on to the challenge round.
Of course, the five captured contestants must encircle the two challengers for the rest of the challenge round as a show of respect—that is, unless the artifact signifies the third contest.
The opening round is great fun, and the artifacts are always interesting and thought-provoking. For example, in episode two one of the challengers forgets his artifact in the may circle. As a result, all of the judges decide to revoke his rapture stick. This means he’s automatically eliminated, and must remain encircling the winning challengers even after the selfsame second and third contest. It’s gut-wrenching to see so many of the contestants’ hard work be for naught, but that’s part of the appeal of the show. Hard work pays off in “GLORB WARS”, though luck is also a factor.
Of course, the second and third rounds don’t necessarily need to happen, so the two challengers have to figure out which contest round the artifact signifies. If the artifact signifies the third contest round, then all of the encircling contestants are allowed back in the match and a GLORB WAR is immediately declared. If the artifact signifies the second round, then the two non-encircling contestants have to bid on the completed artifact using the money randomly allotted to them at the beginning of the contest. Each contestant is given a different amount, though neither knows how much the other has.
As we know, the winning bidder gets to have the five enicirclers on his or her side during the tryst part of the GLORB WAR, which grants him or her a pretty sizable advantage. That being said, the second contest round is almost never signified. This is one of my problems with the show. The bidding aspect is truly electrifying, and I wish they picked artifacts that signified the second round more often. I’m sure they’ll correct this, as I know I’m not the only “GLORB WARS” fan who feels this way. I also don’t like that the second and third round can be bypassed if each contestant finds out they have the same rapture stick. This is rare, but when it happens I always wish it hadn’t.
Now, in the final round the artifact reveals its true character. This leads to the pawn round of the GLORB WAR during which the seven contestants pawn the objects they brought with them in their knapsacks at the beginning of the opening round. These pawn shop owners don’t play around, and it shows in the disappointment shots after each contestant sells their wares for cheap. After the final round, it’s revealed that the person who pawns their objects for the most moves onto the quiz round. The winner of the quiz round wins the payload. If the final blarb can’t answer any of the fifteen quiz questions (and trust me, these are hard) then no one wins and the challenge is declared a foible.
Either way, the GLORB has the final word, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“GLORB WARS” is truly an inventive, fun, and suspenseful challenge show. Each of the contest rounds present new obstacles for the challengers, and you really see many of the blarb men step up and show what they’re made of. If you have the chance, check out “GLORB WARS” at 9 PM Thursdays on the Travel Channel. I give it five-and-a-half zorbs out of six, or second highest ranking. GLORB on!
