Sunday, December 17, 2017
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The Brown Noser

“I Can’t Wait To Go Home For Break,” Reports Girl Who Spends Semester Insulting Hometown Every Chance She Gets

Published Friday, December 1st, 2017

Excitedly explaining how much she’s looking forward to the end of finals period, junior Tina Shook, who took every opportunity over the past five months to insult her hometown, reported that she can’t wait to go home for break.

“It’s going to be so nice to finally be home and allow myself to just relax,” reported Shook, even though she’s complained to her college friends on multiple occasions about how there’s never anything to do in her hometown.

“And I’ll get a chance to catch up with everyone from high school!” continued Shook, who has regularly compared her high school friends to her friends at Brown and pointed out how boring and unoriginal her childhood friends were.

Shook added that she might stop by her high school to catch up with old teachers, ignoring the fact that she’s spent the night before every test and due date complaining about how poorly her high school prepared her for college.

“But the thing I’m most excited about is hanging out with my family. Ahhh I haven’t seen them in five months!” reported Shook, who has taken every opportunity in the last five months to say how close minded her parents are and what a hard environment that was to grow up in.

Two days after getting back home, Shook was already telling her parents about how bored she was and couldn’t wait to get back to campus.

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