Sunday, May 19, 2024
Partly Cloudy icon Partly Cloudy, 64°

The Brown Noser

I Don’t Care That It’s Not In The Lease Agreement, Please Stop Eating My Quarters, Jared

Published Friday, April 14th, 2023

Hey Jared, hope you’re well. Just wanted to start off by saying you’ve been a pretty great housemate so far, and I’m glad we’ve moved in together. But, could you please stop eating my quarters?

I know, I know. The lease agreement just says we can’t have pets and can’t smoke indoors, and doesn’t say anything about eating quarters, but it’s still weird man. I’m worried about you. Honestly, it was pretty funny the first time you did it at a party, though I really wish you asked me before you gulped them down. You also probably could have stopped at three, I really needed to do laundry that day.

But really, this can’t be good for you. I know you say that "Dining Halls are out to get us” and that “Big CPax doesn’t want us eating the yummy yummy Washingtons,” but I’m not too sure how loading your gut up with nickel-copper alloy is sticking it to the administration. And no, mixing in pennies doesn’t make it a “balanced meal.”

All in all, looking forward to living together for the rest of the semester! But next time you find yourself breaking into my room and pilfering my shelves, maybe leave the quarters alone.

Article tools

Search The Brown Noser

  • Loading…