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Most people don’t think of me as anything other than a bigwig Hollywood producer. And why would they? I co-founded Miramax and The Weinstein Company, and I have produced more than 200 of the most successful and important movies of the last few decades. However, I feel the need to finally come clean about my role in the creation of my filmography. The truth is that I, Harvey Weinstein, have secretly written every movie I have ever produced.
Every single one. Written by me and no one else.
“Silver Linings Playbook?” Wrote it. “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King?” Wrote that, too. “The Artist?” Another movie written by me. “Rounders?” “The English Patient?” “Chocolat?” Each of these is a movie that I wrote under a different pseudonym. I’ve written many films, some of which are better than others. I’m proud of my work, but until now it always felt natural just to say other people wrote them.
The list of movies that I have secretly written includes several of the most critically acclaimed titles of our time. “Cider House Rules.” “Spy Kids.” “The Fighter.” All of the movies in the “Scream” franchise. Were the credits of these films completely honest, they would all read, “Written by Harvey Weinstein.” However, they are all currently credited to various different authors, all of whom are real people hired by me to pose as Hollywood screenwriters.
But I actually wrote them. Every single movie.
Take “Jersey Girl,” for instance. I based that movie off of a real girl I know from New Jersey. Her name is Krista. “Fahrenheit 9/11” is a documentary that I made to express my frustration with the Bush administration—I wrote, filmed, and edited the whole thing. “The Aviator” was inspired by my passion for flight, and my childhood dream of becoming a pilot. All of these movies were written by me—secretly. I wrote them all.
Did you know that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck did not write “Good Will Hunting?” Nope. I wrote “Good Will Hunting” about a genius janitor who I really know. His real name is not even Will Hunting. It’s Biff X.G. “Smart Guy” Quickface. He’s a pretty cool guy, and I’m glad I wrote a movie about him.
I’m currently working on a couple of new scripts, too. One is “Artemis Fowl,” an adaptation of the bestselling young adult series. Another is “Shakespeare In Love 2,” sequel to the Best Picture-winning film, “Shakespeare In Love”—also written by me. I even just finished writing a TV movie about Marco Polo. It’s called “Marco Polo.” I like it a lot.
So there you have it: I wrote all of the movies I listed, as well as countless others. Writing is one of my favorite things in the world, so I definitely don’t see my output slowing anytime soon. And though it’s taken me a long time to get here, I’m honestly glad that I’ve finally gained the confidence to accept the recognition I deserve for all my hard work.
However, I should note that there is one movie that I produced but did not write. It’s called “Youth In Revolt.” Don’t think that I fucking wrote that movie. If anybody comes up to me asking whether I wrote “Youth In Revolt,” I will be so fucking angry. Fuck that movie and fuck Michael Cera. I hope everyone involved in the production of that movie is promptly done the fuck away with. Jesus, God almighty. “Youth In Revolt” is gutter trash.
Anyway, that’s all for me. Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you at the pictures very soon!
