Bro, this concert is fucking lit. Wait, man, you’ve got beer running down your back — lemme lick it off for you. I know I’m not supposed to or whatever, but I honestly feel like we’re all gonna get COVID at some point.

We can’t let the pandemic keep us from doing things forever. Omicron is super contagious, like if I make out with the entire volleyball team or play “Catch my Spit” with the guys, honestly I might get it. And at some point we have to be okay with that.

It’s infecting so many people every day that you can barely go to a rave or an indoor boxing match or a “Lady and the Tramp”-style spaghetti-eating speed dating event without catching it. We’ve just gotta face up to it. That’s what Fauci says.

And, look, if Omicron weren’t so mild, I’d be doing things differently. I’d be washing my hands more often and probably would’ve skipped the Tongue Wrestling World Championships in Miami. But it’s not that deadly, and it’s just soooo contagious. What am I gonna do to avoid it? Skip Sneeze Night with the bros?

And I still have hand sanitizer in my car, so.

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