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The Brown Noser

I Steal A Little Piece Of Your Soul Every Time You Pet Me by A Puppy

Published Friday, December 7th, 2018

Hello! Hi! Yes, of course you can pet me, silly. Look how soft I am! You can scratch me behind my ears or we can go for a walk! Either way, your touch will transfer a little piece of your soul to me.

Ooh, let’s go say hi to your neighbor, she always gives me a hug. I love her hugs, especially since they allow me to rob her of her life’s essence and feast upon it. It’s my absolute favorite thing! After my tennis ball, that is!

It’s been awhile since you’ve posted a picture of me on Instagram. Let’s take one with our faces pressed together! That way I can leech a few years of life from your body, and you can show me to your friends! You can post it on Tinder too. That way, even more wandering souls will meet my fatal touch, giving me limitless energy and keeping my fur nice and shiny.

Boy, am I tired! Can I curl up against you on your bed? I know you don’t like me to sleep on the bed, but it’s so warm. You can rub my head and I can steal all that makes you human and use it to satiate my vampiric hunger. It’s a win-win! Ok, I’m going to sleep. I’ll see your soulless husk in the morning!

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