Hello there! We’re the Marshmallow Smiles Puppy Adoption Center, and we’re super duper passionate about the work that we do. We love taking care of those puppies who need a better home, all while providing the most bestest and warmest cuddles to them in the meantime! Would you like to take a look at our selection? Oh! You have to meet little baby Squiggle. He’s a two-month-old baby Golden Retriever that was found in the dumpster outside of a local restaurant—shaking from the cold and fear of being a small little pup in the world abandoned by the only family he ever knew. Unfortunately, we’re at capacity in the shelter, so if you don’t fucking adopt Squiggle right now, he will be brutally dismembered by our slaughterhouse, and it will all be your fucking fault you stupid, selfish asshole. I fucking dare you to take a hard look in the mirror. You like what you see? The face of a no-good, sick and twisted murderer? How the fuck do you live with yourself? Literally look at Squiggle. Look at him! He is begging you to spare his life. And here you are, all fucking high and mighty. Shame on you. I hope the world can soon be eradicated of sick bastards like yourself. Anyway, we really appreciate you coming in today! Please, take a peppermint on the way out. We have to go back and feed our cutesy little furry creatures before playtime. It’s so hard to get their attention when they’re always just cuddling and prancing around! Aren’t they just the cutest little darndest things? We hope to see you back sometime again. It was absolutely our honor having you here!

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