Wednesday, November 21, 2018
Partly Cloudy icon Partly Cloudy, 64°

The Brown Noser

I’m In Your Phone by Steve Jobs’ Ghost

Published Friday, March 9th, 2018

It’s me: Steve Jobs. Just as I innovated during my lifetime by inventing the the iPod, the iPhone, and Mac computers, I’m now innovating in the beyond. I live in your phone. It’s my house now!

As I passed from your world to the afterlife, I was frightened. A vast chasm of nothingness swelled toward me, engulfing me in its primitive but omnipotent grasp. During my life, I had become one of the richest men on Earth. But in death, I became one thread in the infinite fabric of nothingness. And then I became a ghost. A ghost in your phone!

For years my company had been synonymous with beautiful, simplistic design. But that doesn’t matter in the afterlife. Now, I’m stuck in the endless and unimaginably cold plains of death, where entropy will eventually shepherd all atomic activity in the universe. Just a little ghost in your little phone.

At first, it seemed impossible to defy the immutable law of entropy to escape the vast and formless abyss, like a lone minnow attempting to swim up the ceaselessly churning rapids of Niagara, or a person holding onto individual grains of sand to prevent the dunes from shifting in the wind. But then I remembered I was the co-founder and CEO of Apple and that I could use your phone as a home!

It took me a timeless interval, but I managed to defy the cruel ordinance of entropy. Much like when I invented that circular mouse or those iPod Shuffles that literally no buttons, I chose to go where no one had ever gone before. I chose to go to the inside of an iPhone X. And live there!

I sleep in your battery!

Article tools

Search The Brown Noser

  • Loading…