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Footage from the College Hill Independent’s first annual meeting showed new writers being instructed to wear long white skirts, distressed tee-shirts, purposeless belts, and condescending gazes as part of a complex initiation ritual.
“The Indy is a sisterhood, a brotherhood, a siblinghood all in one,” said senior editor Apple Jones, glaring down at a group of new freshmen. “It’s important that our writers represent our values of diversity, anti-capitalism, and radical thought by participating in certain training and initiation activities.”
“This weekend, we are going on a group field trip to the Thayer Street Urban Outfitters to all buy matching outfits that we’ll say we thrifted,” Jones added, twirling a lit cigarette between her fingers. “We really want all our writers to embrace their unique outlooks. That’s why we let them choose to buy a midi or maxi skirt!”
“On Monday, we’ll all sit in a candle-lit circle and hand roll cigs. It’ll be timed. If you can roll three at once and smoke seven without passing out, your story is in our next edition,” said Jones, ominously holding a box of matches.“If you aren’t into it, maybe you’re just not built to be a consciousness-raising power disruptor.”
At press time, the Brown Daily Herald’s new writers were spotted sleuthing around campus in full Nancy Drew cosplay, brandishing press passes at passersby.
