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The Brown Noser

Investigation Reveals Lee Harvey Oswald Actually Aiming For Driver

Published Friday, April 29th, 2016

After reinvestigating the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, a commission of historians and investigators announced Tuesday that Lee Harvey Oswald was actually aiming for the driver of the presidential limousine, William Greer.

“Our findings reveal that Lee Harvey Oswald actually shot President Kennedy in the neck and then the head accidentally,” said chief investigator Larry Boyle. Mr. Oswald had plotted to kill Mr. Greer after Mr. Greer cheated him out of thousands of dollars two years before. “Mr. Oswald actually liked the president very much,” Boyle continued, “It’s apparent he felt pretty badly about assassinating him.”

The investigation team found that, most likely due to the difficulty of the 265 foot shot on a moving target, Mr. Oswald missed and shot President Kennedy instead, before he quickly reloaded and accidentally shot the president again.

“Oswald realized he had messed up when he saw that the man he had just shot in the back of the neck was the president,” said Theresa Calwell, an expert on the assassination. She explained that he tried to remedy the situation by quickly firing again at Mr. Greer. “He unfortunately didn’t take into account that the car was moving and hit Kennedy again.”

In response to the findings, many conspiracy theorists claimed that, considering how quickly the shots were fired, at least two shooters must have targeted Mr. Greer, but missed and shot President Kennedy instead.

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