Friday, November 16, 2018
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The Brown Noser

Is There A Particular Way I Should Be Eating This?

Published Friday, October 26th, 2018

Oh wow, this looks… complex. Do you think there’s a particular way I should be eating this? Like, any specific sort of way?

Maybe I should just google it? No, that’s humiliating. Do you see anyone else eating this? What are they doing? Ugh, you’re no help at all. I can figure this out. Am I supposed to dip it in something? Is that what you do? No, it doesn’t seem right. I guess I’ll go at it with my hands. But that might be rude, so maybe I shouldn’t eat with my hands. And am I even supposed to eat this part?

I know, I’ll scoop it onto this bread, like bruschetta—no, that just feels impractical. Wait a second, is that sauce supposed to be mine? Now I have to start all over again.

Ok, I think I’ve got it. You put that on top, then fold this over like that, and then you… tear it in half. Well, now it’s a total mess. You know what, I’m just going to use a fork and knife. People do that all the time with pizza, so I can probably do it now. It feels wrong though. God, I’m hungry.

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