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The Brown Noser

It’s Not You, It’s Me And This Other Man Who Is Better Than You In Every Way

Published Friday, December 5th, 2014

There’s no easy way to say it, so I’ll just say it: I think we should stop seeing each other.

Please, don’t feel like you’ve done anything wrong. I promise. It’s not you, it’s me. And Jeremy, a man who is better than you in every conceivable way.

We’ve had a wonderful experience together but I think we should see other people, especially me because I want to see Jeremy instead of you.

This can’t be surprising to you: our lives have been heading in separate directions for a while, and mine is heading towards a man who is smarter, handsomer, and more considerate than you.

I’ll never forget how wonderfully you’ve always treated me, even if Jeremy treats me much better. For example, I’m so grateful for that time I was having a hard time with my mother and you brought me those flowers and that chocolate. That was amazing, and it was even more amazing when Jeremy brought me nicer flowers and more expensive chocolate.

It’s little gestures like that I’ll always cherish—for example, that night that you surprised me with a Hugh Grant movie marathon because you know I’ve always loved Hugh Grant, or the night Jeremy whisked me away to wine country for the day, and we traveled from vineyard to vineyard sampling cabernets because he knows I’ve always loved cabernets.

When you think of me, I sincerely hope you think of me fondly. I know that when I think of you, I will always think of a man who cannot hope to compare to Jeremy.

I really hope that we can stay friends, although not as good of friends as I am with Alejandro, my previous ex-boyfriend who is an amazing friend.

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