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Sources from the Oval Office recently confirmed that Vice President JD Vance has been assigned bathroom duty yet again on the White House chore list.
“Aww, man! You’ve gotta be kidding me!” bemoaned the vice president as his eyes darted across a whiteboard that also excused President Trump from doing chores for the third consecutive week. “This stinks. The vice president is usually responsible for so many important jobs! How am I supposed to do all my very valuable work if I’m busy scrubbing the shower ‘til it’s squeaky clean for the 15th week in a row?”
“Sometimes I worry that my job isn’t taken seriously,” continued Vance while scrubbing the grout on the bathroom floor. “Whether I’m wiping up Donald’s nail clippings or sweeping Steve Bannon’s skin molt, it just feels like I have such a thankless job.”
“I wonder if other countries let their vice presidents go on cool adventures,” added Vance as he attempted to unclog a toilet stuffed with classified documents. “One day, I’d like someone to call me ‘Mr. Vice President’ instead of ‘not-Don Jr.’ or ‘bitch.’ Boy, that’d be something special! Maybe if I scrub extra hard this week, Donald will be impressed and promote me to trash duty.”
At press time, Vance was reflecting on ways he could turn this White House into a White Home.
