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The Brown Noser

Jeb Bush's Tepid, Feeble Answers No Match for Christina Paxson's Lukewarm, Dispassionate Questions

Published Friday, April 20th, 2018

Sources report that the tepid and feeble answers provided by Jeb Bush at tonight’s Ogden Memorial Lecture on International Affairs were no match for Christina Paxson’s lukewarm and dispassionate questions. Lecture attendees report that Bush withered during the onslaught of softball questions posed by Paxson.

“It was a blowout,” explained audience member Allie Reiner, who described how Bush shriveled under the fairly dim spotlight of Paxson’s no-nonsense, apolitical inquiries. “He stumbled and stuttered around almost every vague, listless question that she posed. Paxson crushed him.”

“Paxson somehow dodged every opportunity to explicitly bring up Bush’s established political stances,” continued Reiner. “It was expertly done. His subpar diversions stood no chance against the passive offense she was mounting.”

“Paxson showed no mercy as she half-heartedly questioned Bush’s past actions,” said Julius Reed, who was covering the event for the local newspaper. “Bush stood no chance.”

At press time, Bush and Paxson were limply smiling at each other between questions.

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