Friday, November 16, 2018
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The Brown Noser

Jeff Bezos Shocked Massive Mob Of People Hasn’t Just Banded Together And Murdered Him At This Point

Published Friday, October 26th, 2018

Sources report Jeff Bezos, founder and CEO of Amazon and the richest man in the world with a net worth of over $160 billion, is shocked that a massive group of people hasn’t just banded together and murdered him at this point.

“I really can’t believe people are putting up with this," Bezos said Friday. "I run one of the most vile businesses in the world and everyone is just letting me get away with it. I mean you get a group of what, ten, twenty people? I’m toast.”

Bezos expressed particular surprise at the lack of attacks from other businesses and business owners.

“Look, I kinda get the workers not rising up because I decide whether they starve or not but other CEOs not trying to get rid of me is shocking,” Bezos stated. “Do they not know Amazon is trying to form monopolies in basically every industry? We’re also bulldozing small businesses and taking over every aspect of people’s lives. Why am I not getting death threats? Am I invisible or something?”

At press time, Bezos planned to fire an entire warehouse of workers “just to see if they’d buck up and do something about it.”

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