A recent statement by the Brown Cor- poration Board of Trustees announced that the current construction on the John Carter Brown Library will be halted after the realization that no one has ever been there.
“The renovation of the John Carter Brown library was a very exciting initiative that we on the Board expected to have a huge positive impact on students’ ability to access the JCB’s extensive offerings,” said Brown Trustee Frank Krout, using a shredder to dispose of an enormous pile of blueprints and contracts. “But unfortunately the project became impossible for us to justify from a budgetary perspective after we realized that literally no one has ever stepped foot inside the building.”
“The John Carter Brown library is the jewel in the crown of Brown University’s archive with a collection of historical documents that is unmatched by another American university,” added Krout, imagining what it might look like inside and what sort of books could be in there. “But despite how incredibly important the JCB is, we decided it would ultimately be a mistake to renovate it given the fact
that none of us had even the slightest clue where it was.”
At press time construction on the Brown Observatory was resumed upon the realization that we even have one of those.

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