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The Brown Noser

John Madden Feverishly Coding Latest Video Game

Published Sunday, October 27th, 2013

Legendary broadcaster and programming visionary John Madden worked well past midnight yesterday, feverishly hand-coding the players and game mechanics that would bring Madden NFL 25—“my masterpiece,” as Madden calls it—to life.

“Millions of Americans are relying on me to give them the gaming experience they deserve,” explained Madden. “They’d be able to tell if I just handed this project off to some hack programmers and let them slap my name on it. To truly realize their full potential, these games must be painstakingly handcrafted by me: John Madden.”

Industry experts agree that Madden is unparalleled in his ability to present football games in a compelling manner to devoted and casual friends alike, whether using human or machine language.

“John is amazing,” said gaming industry commentator Max Oswald. “That a man with his charisma and sports acumen would also be possibly the single most prolific and skilled programmer of his generation? It’s no wonder that the Madden brand remains a bestseller to this day.”

Madden is a notoriously hard worker. He has not missed a single Monday Night Football or E3 video game convention in 15 years. It is rumored that he is capable of simultaneously calling a game and hand-coding a pass deflection algorithm.

“Can you imagine if someone who knew nothing about football tried to code a video game based on football?” asked Madden. “It would be a disaster. People like me and [famed developer Tony] Hawk understand that only superstar athletes and broadcasters are capable of programming sports video games. And don’t let anyone tell you different.”

As of press time Madden was recording the little grunts that the linemen make when you hit them really hard.

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