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Findings show that the Jo’s 50/50 burger is sourced from a newly developed breed of mushroom-cow hybrids.
“For years, students have complained that Brown dining features unhealthy, overly processed food,” said George Barboza, Vice President of Dining Programs, while splicing shiitake genes into a prized heifer. “This is our attempt to make things healthier and less artificial—by playing God and feeding students the unholy results.”
“It was very simple—there were only a few genetic aberrations we had to put down,” said Barboza while giving a lethal injection to a tiny portobello that had grown horns and an udder. “But it was worth it to improve our students’ diets with mildly flavorful Frankenfood.”
“They’re pretty good when you’re sober enough to taste them,” said Chad Beaumont ‘27 while trying to ignore the truffles mooing and secreting milk at the Grill Station. "But it’s still a little unnerving to know that every burger you get is an affront to all the laws of nature."
At press time, Barboza had greenlit a 35/65 fry, made from a new crossbreed of potatoes and millipedes.
