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The Brown Noser

Junior About To Look So Nonchalant While Passing Tour Group

Published Friday, September 22nd, 2023

Sources indicate that Brown Junior Shane Vergas about to look so nonchalant while passing by a tour group of prospective students.

“Oh, yeah, no biggie, just heading to class,” explained Vergas, doing everything in his power to not turn around to make sure the group was staring at him longingly both because he’s so hot and because he goes to Brown. “I actually didn’t even realize they did tours on this part of campus.”

“I was actually just thinking about something else just now,” Vergas added, hyper-analyzing the movement of every muscle in his body to appear as cool and mysterious as possible in front of the tour group to ensure they thought about him for the rest of the day and also mention him in their “why Brown” essays. “Got my head in the clouds today, I guess.”

“I hadn’t even really noticed them, to be completely honest with you,” continued Vergas, frantically running his hands through his hair to achieve a casually tousled look before another tour group rounded the corner up ahead. “I guess those tour groups just kinda blend into the scenery to me.”

At press time, a freshman was going to sound so off-the-cuff while asking her pre-written discussion question.

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