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Emphasizing that he leaves tracks of filth wherever he goes, sources confirmed Friday that local kid Joey Thompson is never not covered head to toe in mud.
“Whenever I’ve seen Joey he’s always been covered in a thick glaze of dirt and muck,” said Joey’s kindergarten teacher Ms. Robbins, adding that the boy is seemingly allowed to roll around in the mud whenever he pleases. “It’s not necessarily disruptive but he does dirty up the classroom quite a bit. I wish someone would clean him off.”
Thompson reportedly attends family dinners, piano recitals, holiday events, and church services covered in a wet layer of filth and grime. Sources confirmed that Joey’s shoes look like two square boxes of dirt caked around the young boy’s ankles.
“There’s really nothing we can do at this point,” remarked Ben Thompson, Joey’s father, about his son’s literally always being a virtual silt-monster. “Stick him in the shower, and he comes back five minutes later covered in dirt. Rinse him off with a hose and it practically sticks to him like tar. This is just a dirty kid.”
When asked for comment, Thompson said, “I like to play in the mud!”
