Tuesday, October 19, 2021
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The Brown Noser

Kooky Tinkerers Call On Nation To Make Switch From Fossils Fuels To Rube Goldberg Machines

Published Friday, September 17th, 2021

At a press conference on Tuesday, the nation’s kooky tinkerers called on the American energy sector to abandon fossil fuels in favor of elaborate Rube Goldberg machines.

“As the science on climate change has made alarmingly clear, it is imperative that we end our reliance on coal, oil, and natural gas and invest in intricate contraptions powered by silly chain reactions,” said tinkerer Ed Fredrickson as he passionately made the case for Rube Goldberg machine energy solutions. “We must say no to fracking and offshore drilling and yes to marbles rolling into cups and toy cars knocking over dominoes.”

In his speech, Fredrickson underscored the many advantages of powering the nation with nutty contrivances made from household objects like umbrellas, rulers, broomsticks, and rusty cans.

“These wonderful gizmos are completely climate-neutral: all they need is gravity, patience, and a little elbow grease,” Fredrickson explained, a joyous twinkle coming into his eyes. “They’re also a whole lotta fun! The path to a post-carbon future and a healthy planet starts with pushing a golf ball down a little chute and watching the magic happen from there.”

At press time, the whimsical craftspeople urged Americans to recycle more of their trash into enchanting treasures.

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