Partly Cloudy, 64°
According to a recent report, this lagoon is a nice place for a swim except for that kid over there who won’t stop talking about fish swimming up your peepee.
“Whatever you do, don’t pee in the water!” warned 11-year-old Warner Feebs, loudly splashing in the serene, waterfall-laden lagoon. “Did you know the candiru fish is local to this area? Did you know they are attracted to pee?!”
“If you pee in the water, or if they smell pee, they can swim up your peepee and lay eggs in your bladder!” offered Feebs, aggressively clearing water as well as snot out of his nose between words, blocking the soothing sound of the local songbirds. “Once it swims up the peepee, it stays there forever. It can’t come out. And its babies will eat the food out of your stomach until you starve! So don’t pee in the water!”
At press time, your bed was looking nice and cozy except for Feebs’s reminder that you swallow eight spiders in your sleep every year.
