Partly Cloudy, 64°
Local sources recently confirmed that these lame trick-or-treaters are totally disengaged from my shrimp facts.
“I just wanted candy, but he kept telling me boring stuff about shrimps’ reproductive cycles,” said pathetic child Denise Schmidt, foolishly expressing boredom about my fact that female shrimp can store the sperm of multiple males in order to fertilize their eggs at a later point in time. “And after he was done, he didn’t even give us candy! He just said that ‘my knowledge is a sufficient treat.’ What a loser.”
“The whole thing was just really confusing,” continued Schmidt with a stupid look on her face, as if there is anything confusing about my fascinating fact that there are .27 grams of healthy omega-3 acids per serving in the average shrimp (which also contains 18 grams of protein!). “I hope someone eggs his house.”
At press time, those boring Jehovah’s Witnesses were indifferent toward my collection of antique rocks.
