Partly Cloudy, 64°
Oscar McNulty, a 26-year-old involuntary celibate male, has an ironic curse: his incredible endowment, a 9-inch penis, has been completely wasted due to its lack of use.
“I am well aware of how large my dick is, due to the incredible amount of porn I consume on a daily basis,” said McNulty, whose seething anger was palpable. “I just never have the chance to use it.”
“They should be begging me for it!” he said, certain that he should be receiving sex by virtue of his penis size—and nothing else—but inevitably finding no luck. “It’s their fault. The female race doesn’t know what it’s missing."
“I had thought he was kind of cute,” said Sarah Martin, a one-time (but never again) suitor of McNulty. “And he seemed so normal at first. That was, until he started showing me his Reddit history and how big his penis was. It grossed me out.”
“This should be enough,” said McNulty when told about Martin’s past interests. “I don’t need that chick to tell a high T alpha like me how I should act.”
“If he was kinda, like, normal, then I would’ve asked him out,” repeated Martin. “But I just don’t care for how he acts.”
At press time, an extremely beautiful woman was unfortunately enrolling to become a nun.
