After investigating a series of murders, police report that the serial killer they are chasing is lazy and doesn’t even have a cool pattern.
“The murders are seemingly random and without a clear motive,” said Chief Detective Mashall Phillips. “The serial killer didn’t put much thought into this because he didn’t leave us any fun riddles to sort out.”
Detectives scoured the crime scenes but were unable to find even one deck of playing cards or reference to biblical passages. After failing to find a calling card or twisted signature connected to any of the murders, police determined that the killer is lazy.
“I mean come on, you think he would have come up with something!” said Phillips. “Like maybe he could have been killing people who work at fast food restaurants because they are poisoning the community, or killing people that remind him of a childhood tormentor. Either of those would be the mark of a hard-working mind.”
At press time, detectives were struggling to come up with a catchy name for the killer.