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Creating quite the stir in the music community, a leaked release of Ed Sheeran’s newest album reveals its title is x= (-b±√ b^2-4ac)/2a.
“Honestly, I cried when I first heard the album and its name. It was such a beautiful artistic take,” says William Campbell, the president of Brown’s Radio Community, listening intently to Sheeran’s basic pop love song. “This was an album of rebirth, so it was so matching he chose the quadratic equation, an equation used to find the unknown values of a parabolic function. Like, we are always going away and coming back rapidly to find what’s unknown. And, fuck! The fact that the unknown it is solved for is x. X, the title of his breakout album. Of course when this was released everyone thought the X just stood for the letter x, and I can’t believe we could really have such little faith in this musical genius. After he released the next albums +–=÷, it was clear that X stood from the multiplication symbol, like the growth of his new fame at that time. x= (-b±√ b^2-4ac)/2a defines x not as a function, but a variable that becomes nothing in context of the whole, which is just him saying that all the work he has built on before is meaningless. He is incredible.”
“Of course, we all thought he kind of fell off during his integral era and, man, don’t even bother to talk about ∇^2ψ+8π^2 m(E – U)ψ/h^2=0 . Then I really gave up on him when he made the switch from mainstream pop rock to mainstream rock pop because why the fuck did he think mushing eigenvalues when clearly if he worked with eigenvectors he would have so much more range,” adds fellow student Josh Lee, expressing his affection for the album whose cover seems to just be a photo of an Algebra II homework page. “But I am pretty sure no other artist should even bother to show up to the Grammys because Sheeran is going to win all the categories with this album."
At time of press, reports indicate math rock fans found the album surprising.
