As autumn rolls around, a recent report indicates that the leaves scattered on the ground are almost as beautiful as those in the trees where they goddamn belong. “It’s like a carpet of yellows and reds and oranges,” said passerby Claire Melanie, appreciating the colorful leaves almost as much as if they were still attached to the trees like they’re fucking supposed to be. “They look so delicate as they flutter down to the ground.” At press time, apple crumble was almost as yummy as eating an apple the normal fucking way.

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