Friday, November 15, 2019
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The Brown Noser

Lifeguard Has Clearly Adopted Pool Rules As Personal Moral Code

Published Friday, October 25th, 2019

Local lifeguard Jason Clark has clearly adopted the pool rules as his personal moral code, sources reported. He has been spotted enforcing pool rules outside of the Benson Community Pool, where he works during the summer months.

“He wouldn’t let me inside the house unless I showered first,” reported Jason Garron, Clark’s roommate. “Then he just kept blowing his whistle at me.”

Clark was also seen in full uniform in the center of town patrolling for any horseplay among the pedestrians.

“He didn’t talk to me for a full month after he learned I hadn’t passed the deep water test,” Garron continued. "And he’s always wearing sunglasses and scanning his surroundings with a whistle poised in his mouth.”

At press time, Clark was shouting ‘No running on the pool deck!’ to joggers in the street.”

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