According to eyewitnesses on the Main Green this morning, a little kid was walking around campus like he owned the place. “He’s in total control,” reported a sophomore who saw the child park himself at the doors of Sayles and start boldly pointing at peoples’ dogs. “He’s walking in the middle of the path so no one can get around him. And he doesn’t pick up his pace for anyone. Oh, now he’s picked up a stick. It’s clear he’s the alpha.” At press time, the little kid was laying claim to the entire campus by scaling the Faunce steps.

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