A local man is reportedly too polite to ask his intrusive thoughts to leave.
“Oh, those old things?,” said Dwayne Schumer, referring to the horrible thoughts that have been haunting his conscience since early childhood. “No, I couldn’t possibly ask them to leave. I’m not that type of person.”
“What’s the big deal, really? I don’t think I’m all that special, and I don’t want to hurt their feelings,” Schumer said about the dark thoughts constantly plaguing his mind. “There are starving kids out there, I’m the last one that should be complaining!”
“They’re really not all that bad, you know,” continued Schumer, contemplating whether or not he deserves happiness. “You paint them as these bad guys bothering you all the time, when in reality I can’t even hear them when I’m asleep, so how bad can they be?”
At press time, Schumer was overheard apologizing to a scam caller for wasting their time.

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