Tuesday, October 19, 2021
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The Brown Noser

Loose Acquaintances Regress Into Deep, Unending Silence After Mutual Friend Goes To Use Restroom

Published Friday, September 17th, 2021

Sources report that mutual friend Anna Miller left to go use the restroom leaving loose acquaintances Chloe Finnigan and Alex Thomas to regress into a deep, unending silence.

“Uh so the weather’s nice today, isn’t it?” remarked Finnigan nervously, as social paralysis began to creep over the acquaintances who realized they had never actually spent time together alone until this very moment. “Warm.”

“Omg yeahhh!” overcompensated Thomas, desperately running through a catalogue of possible conversation topics in her head before gravely accepting her upcoming fate to stew in an abyssal silence. "So nice, yeah.”

“Yeah,” replied a sweating Finnigan, eyes darting back and forth as she pathetically watched the bathroom door for any sign of Miller’s return, before feebly picking up her phone to feign receiving an important text. “So you know Anna, that’s cool.”

“Yeah Anna, she’s cool, yeah,” replied Thomas, attempting to reach a meditative state to make this relentless non-conversation pass by quick and painlessly. “Nice phone case.”

“Oh, thanks,” said Finnigan, finally letting go of her ego and letting the small talk peter off into nothingness, leaving both parties essentially catatonic.“Yeah.”

At press time, Finnigan exclaimed she actually needed to use the bathroom too, finally freeing herself.

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