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The Brown Noser

Makers Of Tea Bags Without Little Strings Expect User To Just Dig In There Like Caveman, Apparently

Published Friday, December 1st, 2017

A report released Thursday by a team of baffled Food and Drug Administration officials determined that companies who manufacture tea bags without those little strings on them fully expect the user to just dig around in there like a caveman, apparently.

“Some tea distributors seem to be under the impression that users are fine with dirtying a spoon to dig out the bag every time they make a cup,” said Craig MacPherson, the report’s head author at a press conference, referencing the study that included several dozen prominent manufacturers. “Either that, or they think consumers are cool just leaving the bag in until it gets all murky and acrid.”

The authors further speculated that the companies apparently expect to-go tea drinkers to devise “some sort of chopstick situation” using coffee stirrers, an assumption the report called “irresponsibly unrealistic.”

The FDA team concluded the press conference by directly admonishing Nestea for continuing the production of its unsweetened instant tea, which the report deemed nearly unfit for human consumption.

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