Partly Cloudy, 64°
Out of bed early for the fourth time this week, local man Joseph Alvarado is getting really annoyed with the loud sound of destruction right outside his home every morning.
“Every goddamn day I wake up to the sound of destruction crews tearing up the sidewalk and torching buildings on my block,” said Alvarado, sipping black coffee and rubbing his eyes. “It’s five o’clock in the morning, for Christ’s sake!”
“Some of us are trying to sleep!” Alvarado shouted at the crew of men in neon red vests bashing street signs with baseball bats.
Alvarado added that despite his best efforts to silence the destruction with earplugs and noise-canceling headphones, he almost never gets a full night’s sleep through the sound of so many jackhammers ripping apart roads and other infrastructure.
“I especially hate it when they bring in the cranes and just knock through random walls,” said Alvarado, yawning as the sound of an oak tree being torn from its roots filled the room. “I get it. They have to destroy everything. But before sunrise—that’s my time!”
“Do you have any idea how early it is?” said Alvarado on the phone with the destruction company responsible for hurling a manhole cover through the post office window before dawn. “Knock it off!”
Alvarado added, “They put me on hold. Unbelievable.”
“Just doing my job,” said destruction crew worker Bernie Kilm with a sigh before punching a fire hydrant with brass knuckles.
Alvarado proceeded to close his blinds on the smoke-filled sky, take some Nyquil, and go back to bed to enjoy his one day off this week.
