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A quick intervention by Radioshack Manager Tom Link calmed a crisis earlier this Sunday when out of touch resident John Cameron burst through the door asking for a cable to hook up his computer tablet to a mobile television monitor, which resulted in several purchases of unnecessary and very expensive cables.
“I just wanted a way to watch some television with the services of the airing stations,” said Cameron, sweating through three layers of clothing. “The machines were telling me ‘connection lost: make sure all cables are connected properly,’ and I came to Radioshack to look for cables to give to my Netflix enabled 3G computer tablet.” According to several tech experts, Cameron owns a television and a DISH Network receiver, all of which come equipped with the right cables.
However, Radioshack employees swarmed Cameron and sold him anything they could get their hands on. Cameron left with several USB 1.0 to USB 2.0 conversion wires, one end of an HDMI cable and three hundred feet of piano wire, none of which are designed to do anything.
“People come to Radioshack for one thing and one thing only,” said Link. “And we give them a couple of things.”
Radioshack’s colossal drop in nearly every customer service indicator in 2011 showed a business in trouble, but when faced with the numbers, Link and his team made sloppy fart noises with their mouths.
“We make a $30 profit on every Monster-brand cable sold,” said Link, snorting coke off a Radar 4g Hellraiser. “And we charge twenty dollars — you do the math.”
As of press time the math still had not been done.
