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The Brown Noser

Man Crossing Street Gives Polite Little Wave Entreating Driver Not to End His Life

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019

While crossing Charlesfield Street on Tuesday, area man Ron Sweeney gave a polite little wave to an approaching driver, entreating him not to end his life.

“When I saw that car coming, I knew I had to give a friendly signal to avoid being plowed over and dying a horrific death,” Sweeney said, explaining that he politely implored the driver not to ram into him at full speed and shatter all of his bones. “I made sure to be genial about it, but I had to let him know I’d rather not be decimated under his tires, pieces of my ravaged body littering the street.”

Sweeney described how he waved with a smile at the oncoming Chevy Cobalt which could have put a violent end to his time on this earth. “I just gave a brief hand gesture to let him know that I was crossing and would appreciate it if he didn’t slaughter me with his sedan and splatter his windshield with my blood.”

At press time, Sweeney beseeched a RIPTA bus at the Thayer Street tunnel not to crush him like a bug.

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