According to local sources, area man Gus Edelstein suddenly wants to touch that wall in his apartment building now that there’s a wet paint sign asking him not to. “I’ve probably walked past this wall hundreds of times,” said Edelstein as he paced back and forth in front of the new sign. “I’ve never touched it, nor have I ever wanted to touch it. But now, something’s different. I know I shouldn’t do it, but I need to know what it will feel like. How wet is the paint? God damn it I’m gonna lose it. If they didn’t want people to touch the wall, maybe they should have just left it as is.” At press time, Edelstein felt like the ducks in the “no feed area” seemed way hungrier than any other duck he’d ever seen.

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