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Calling it a humbling experience, local man Lyle Stewart realized just how small his penis is while looking up at the stars late Thursday night.
“As humans, we get so wrapped up in our day-to-day lives—the car we drive, the work we do. It’s easy to forget that we live in an incomprehensibly vast universe,” said Stewart, looking up at the expanse of stars in the night sky. “I also have a very small penis.”
Stewart, a 24-year-old insurance salesman, claims he rarely considers himself in the context of the universe. “Did you know that each one of those stars is its own sun? Our planet is just a tiny speck in the cosmos,” said Stewart, who also conceded that his penis is much smaller than his friends’ penises both in terms of length and girth.
Stewart continued, “There are billions of light-years between me and the edge of the visible universe—and it’s expanding! You know, I wish my penis would expand. It’s extremely small as is.”
Sources confirm that looking up into space has given Stewart a new perspective on life and on the relative size of his genitalia. “I always thought my life was everything—that I would be so much happier if I could just change a few parts. Now I realize none of that stuff matters. It’s liberating,” said Stewart, glancing down at the bulge in his jeans and determining that his penis is like a baby penis.
“I am so small.”
