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Sources report that terminally-ill 87-year-old Allen Yankelberg has expressed immense regret that he did not go to one or two more productions of student theatre in his lifetime. Attending just a couple more productions of student theatre would have made all the difference and he would have been able to die a satisfied man, sources confirmed.
“One that really sticks out in my mind is Musical Forum’s production of Chess," choked out Yankelberg, surrounded by family. "That’s the one written by ABBA about chess during the Cold War. That’s must-see theatre. If I can rely on anyone to do a Russian accent it’s a 19-year-old from California who’s in their first leading role. I remember at the time feeling like I had a reason not to go, but now, lying here on the verge of death, I can’t possibly imagine what that was. Why, oh, why did I not just go to see Chess. Everything else seems so minuscule and unimportant now that I’ve reached this clarity.”
“I missed a production of Ibsen’s The Doll’s House for a friend’s 21st birthday," added Yankelberg, ignoring his estranged son’s pleas for a final moment of closure. "I haven’t talked to that friend in years. I’m quite certain that a student-directed production of Ibsen would have stayed with me forever. I did it all wrong! God, forgive me; I did it all wrong.”
At press time, Yankelberg’s hospital bed curtains closed for the final time.
