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Responding to a comment Monday regarding his bleariness and general stupor, local man Josh Perlman confirmed that he had stayed up almost all night to work on his insecurities.
“It was almost midnight when I remembered that time I waved back at someone only to realize they were waving at the person behind me,” Perlman said. “Right away, I knew I was in for a long night of taking stock of my feelings of inadequacy and natural awkwardness.”
Perlman’s last anxiety-building exercise was last May, when he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror and thought his haircut was “extremely unflattering.” “It’s been a while since I got caught up on all the things I feel overwhelmed by,” he said. “But in a way it’s like riding a bike. You may get a little rusty, but you never forget that time in third grade that you called the teacher ‘Mom’ in front of the whole class.”
Perlman noted that, though he started the evening by remembering recent events like the time he collided with a lamppost because he was too busy looking at his phone, he was eventually able to recall older memories, such as the time he walked into the girls’ bathroom in fifth grade.
Perlman’s next inadequacy cram session is scheduled for this December, in anticipation of the multitude of childhood-related incidents going home is expected to dredge up. “I got a lot done, though,” he said. “I’m glad I put in the effort to get it out of the way. Anxiety isn’t something you want to half-ass.”
