Ned's articles
Elon Musk, founder and CEO of SpaceX, announced Monday that he hopes his company will be the first to send rich people into space and allow them to be killed there.
“I fully intend to send wealthy elites into space where they will be the first human beings to perish there in a fiery crash,” Musk said in a prepared statement, adding that he will personally ensure that a group of moneyed Americans die in space in this century with or without federal approval.
Local newborn Ava Newton has started to become a bit of a drag only a couple weeks after being born, her parents reported Tuesday.
Ava was welcomed into the world only a month ago by John and Maria Newton. In the days since, however, her incessant screaming, crying, and vomiting have worn her welcome thin.
The discovery of the powdered remnants of some unknown substance on an area school bus Thursday prompted intense investigation by third grader Dirk Georgesson, who concluded that, whatever it was, it was “definitely some kind of drug.”
The student body general was first alerted to the drug’s presence at approximately 3:35 p.m., when Keegan Garfunkel, a friend of Georgesson’s, noticed a white powder dusting the seat next to his.
Responding to a comment Monday regarding his bleariness and general stupor, local man Josh Perlman confirmed that he had stayed up almost all night to work on his insecurities.
“It was almost midnight when I remembered that time I waved back at someone only to realize they were waving at the person behind me,” Perlman said.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
