Noting that he dispatches the punctuation mark with the effortless grace of a veteran English teacher, sources reported today that James Camden is throwing down semicolons in this email he’s writing like a total fucking champion.

“It’s pretty simple really,” Camden explained, trying to act modest despite clearly knowing how much of a complete badass he is. “You just use it to separate two independent clauses that are related. Or in a list, if the items have commas within them.”

Camden’s punctuation arsenal reportedly also includes colons, em dashes, and who knows, probably those curly bracket things, too.

“I’m not a stickler for grammar or anything,” said Camden, who is no doubt an object of universal desire as a result of his literary prowess, “but I have a pretty good eye for detail and I like to make sure I’m communicating clearly.”

While the identity of the email’s intended recipient has yet to be confirmed, sources speculate that they are probably going to go fucking nuts when they see all those semicolons. Seriously. Jesus.

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