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Saying that he was flattered by the offers but that they were getting to be too much of a drain on his time, Michael Hershey ‘19, a student with fairly well-defined biceps and pretty nice calves, expressed his desire that everyone stop trying to sleep with him.
“Friends, professors, waiters, medical professionals, you name it,” said Hershey, who is approached by beautiful men and women everywhere he goes because of his nice but unthreatening arms. “I sleep with some of them, but it’s just too much. I’m a person, you know. I’m not just a pair of attractive arms."
Due to his arms, which bulge in an appealing way if he stretches or lifts anything but look essentially like everyone else’s at all other times, Hershey has become a popular presence on campus.
“It’s a delicate balance,” said Erin Pally ‘18, who has offered to make love to Hershey about once a week since she recognized the relative amount of care he takes of his body. "If his arms got even a little more muscular, he’d look like he cared about it, but if he took even a day off, he can forget about it. Mike keeps his biceps at just the right level that make me want to fuck him."
At press time, Hershey’s TA was asking him to write something on the board so she could look at his arms.
