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Tensions rose at your local cafe this week when customers realized that matcha actually tastes like dirt.
“I call those earthy notes,” said matcha enthusiast Jessica Robertson, swirling her plastic cup like a wine critic trying to convince herself she’s not just drinking the liquid version of the lawn clippings BeanBoozled jellybean. “And it’s honestly an acquired taste. Don’t blame me for your underdeveloped palate.”
“Yeah, sure, I know that it’s really just green dirt powder whisked into hot water,” Robertson explained, adjusting her tote bag covered in tea-themed enamel pins. “But if I call it ‘umami’ and take a picture of the latte art, suddenly everyone thinks it’s sublime, and even I start to become convinced.”
At press time, local cafe-goers were seen using the mud from outside as a chaser.
