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Clad in a bathing suit, flippies and a tank top reading, “Keep Calm and Pool Party: Birthday Bash at the Mayor’s House,” Mayor Tad Buckles vowed at a press conference yesterday to get to the bottom of just who approved blowing the entire pension fund on snacks, brews and an impromptu performance by the mayor’s best friend’s band. “We will not rest until we discover who thought handing out free cash to all the babes who showed was a good use of taxpayer dollars,” said Buckles, hurriedly tipping a pool boy and several magicians from out of town. “I’d like to apologize to our city’s workers who will likely be forced to delay their retirement by years, especially the ones who didn’t get an invite to this sick unrelated pool party last week.” As of press time, Buckles and his entire senior staff were embarking on a fact-finding mission to the district attorney’s beach house in Key West.
